2018, xoxo
2018 gave me a difficult June and November.
In June, I dropped my laptop as I was alighting from a jeepney and broke it in the middle of gruelling deadlines and financial crisis. Only a few days after that, I dared to conquer the Banaue Rice Terraces and actually down fell from one of the terraces, or approximately from a two-storey height. I had to wear a neck brace for three days. I swear it was physically the hardest moment from the year that was. Imagine leaving your phone on your desk, hearing it ring, but not being able to get up to answer it because everything just hurts so you just cry until you fall asleep. I had two weeks of pain relievers for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, but two weeks of knowing how much friends can be saviours as well.
November was a whirldwind. I was working my butt off looking for funding for my first international conference while battling academic requirements to complete my Masters units. At this very time, the Lonsi Leaks happened, and I could have chosen not to pay it much attention, but the issues exposed from the group chat violated some core principles I had. It needed to be dealt with, even if it meant vomiting from stress and relapsing to old habits I thought I have already shaken off. But I made it out alive. I shall look back at this month as a reminder that I am stronger than a shitstorm.
I am grateful 2018 gave me wonderful months, too.
In January, I enrolled as MA Sociology student and was invited to become part of my biggest research project to date. It was a month of academic beginnings. Though I cannot yet say that I aced them, I am thankful for the opportunities for growth and am sure to do my best not to waste them.
February saw me travel, for the first time, to Visayas with friends I've loved since college. It was a great way to get to know them further and love them deeper, despite finding out that some of them hate it when you sit on their side of the bed with your outside clothes on and that some of them need at least one and a half hours to get ready for the day. (Did I mention I am both? Hehe)
March was a month of reaching more people. I had my very first television interview as an early-career sociologist and made my very first viral thread on Twitter. It was during this month that I realized I can use my voice and knowledge to make the world a safer place for everyone-- I was just hindered by the feeling of not being good enough before. Since this month, I've given more out-of-the-campus lectures and my Twitter followers have grown tenfold. Literally.
April found me in Bolinao, Pangasinan, enjoying the ocen view while finishing my presentation for a gender-sensitivity training. This is probably the most on brand ™ thing that I did last year as the young academic tita that I am. As I traded beach shots to magic realism novels, I was convinced that the notion of good time is different for each person, and as for me, reading has always been an adventure.
In July, I met someone at an unexpected time and place. This peculiar encounter curiously gave me more confidence and made me more sure of myself. After this month, I started dating again.
I went back to Mindanao in August for a fieldwork in Zamboanga. I was told my Spanish would not really help me understand their creole language and will in fact mess up my Castilian grammar. I tried, nonetheless, and found out that the first assertion was correct, but the second, not so much.
In October, I was at Siquijor for a conference, met lots of fellow sociologists from all over the Philippines, and moderated my first panel. It was also during this month that I taught basic Spanish to two beautiful people who are now on their way to attaining their own goals—one in the Middle East and one in Canada. I am proudest to say, however, that with every mention of Las Islas Filipinas, servicio, and educación, they have in their hearts to come and give back to the country.
December, my birth month, did not disappoint. As the eldest child of a lower-middle class family who has a lot on her plate and whose parents have never left the Philippines, I never expected to land foot in Europe. I was reminded that I can look up to seemingly impossible dreams and then set out to fulfill them. Most of all, this month strengthened my skill of mobilizing my social capital when economic capital comes short. Orgmates and friends know. They also know that before the year ended, I went out a couple of times with a certain someone and learned so much from our dates.
Despite all these, I am thankful for all the laid-back months from 2018. May and September were uneventful in relation to the others, but the idyllic weeks I had here are something I hope I will still get this 2019.
I am a believer that people really do write their own stories, but they do so in the context of the social forces that shape the limits of their imagination. I am therefore grateful for the friends—old and new— who chose to be with me and see me through 2018. For the year that has just started, I wish for mental, physical, political, and financial stability for everyone especially to loved ones and family.
Finally, my wish for myself is simple: that I will not be paralyzed by my insecurities. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk 😉
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