PRIVILEGE IS THE NAME OF THE GAME
If there is one truth in life that screams to me now more than ever, it is this: If you are in the lower ranks of the socioeconomic ladder, you cannot win. Hard work is not your friend. Competitiveness will not even help you.
I have a full time job, research works in different projects, tutorial sessions amounting to 8 hours a week, and a Masters degree to finish. People often give unsolicited remarks when they learn of my schedule. And to be fair, all those "Ang busy mo naman!" and "Natutulog ka pa ba?" statements can be unnerving, especially because I would have never chosen this kind of life were it not for my circumstances. I definitely don't need anyone to keep shoving my fortune to my face.
It is not easy to aim for financial stability, and at the same time send money to your nuclear and even extended family. If you want to do both, then work your ass off. But if you are expected to publish researches and write articles besides, that is when hell breaks loose.
In my hell, the fires are not so much made of disappointments I know I give to people for not being able to publish, but instead they are made of frustrations of knowing I am good enough but can't hold up to my potential because of my material conditions. There is a certain pain when you realize that people are getting further than you could ever go because they've had a headstart early on in life. They are well enough to not worry about how much to spend for themselves and how much to send to people who depend on them. Most especially, there's a certain pain, even self-pity and anger, when you realize that only a small number of people can relate to you when you say that you count your money every night just to make sure that you stay within your limited budget. You spend time worrying about bills, when this very time can be spent for self-help and overall ascendancy.
My point here is that life is not a matter of hard work nor skill. Who the devil can claim otherwise when people like me have to hustle between (economic) problems and juggle a lot of responsibilities just to arrive at our goal? Who can tell me that I have to suck it all up and keep on burning my eyebrows just to advance along my career when there are others in my batch who can just go into great schools abroad without any scholarship just because they can afford to?
No one. And when someone does I probably might beat the heck out of that person.
My rant here is that I'm caught empty-handed by the system, that despite what I feel, I also know that I am privileged. I was able to study in the premier school in the country, I was able to go abroad using my savings, and most importantly, I did not have to eat less than three times a day.
The difficult thing, however, is that I am in the middle... and middle in this case means the least privileged one in the privileged group. You are privileged enough to be frowned at when you whine. But you are not privileged enough to afford the requirements set to you by the indicators of success.
You are caught in the middle without a good choice of left and right. Such is the fucked up game that is privilege.
